Part of My Journey



 
The following are excerpts from a journal entryfrom November 2007:


I cannot fathom all that has happened-all that has occurred-both in the natural and in the supernatural.
 
It has been a long, dark night of the soul.  The presence of darkness, thick and pressing, to the point I thought I would not survive it…

But God…
           Is faithful
            Is a safe dwelling
            Is my shelter and strength
            My hiding place
He is persistent and relentless
and determined to see me through. 
               Praise His holy name. 

A few months ago I thought I would never be able to lift up my head, much less be able to stand up under the season of trials, adversity and warfare.  The presence of darkness wanted to consume me….



But God…

            Gave me what I needed each step of the way
            Withheld from me what I could not handle
            Did not give me what I was not ready for
Praise God.  Praise His holy and just Name.


I felt like God was farther and farther away. Did he hear me?  Did He see me?  Did He care that my heart was broken and torn to prices by those who “loved me”?  Did He see that the enemy snarled and spat at me? Did He hear my adversary continue to taunt and accuse me?  I felt so alone, wounded, beyond repair. 

I felt like I had been bitten and devoured---spiritually, mentally, emotionally….

But God….

Being rich in mercy and abounding in love
would speak to me….
He would sing over me
words of encouragement and strength.
Sometimes through His word.
Sometime through a teaching,
Sometimes through a song, 
sometimes through a friend. 
Always at the right time, 
perfectly timed for my moment of need. 


I learned that God would sing over me by giving me a song that ministered to my broken heart.  And by faith I would receive the truth of the words He would sing to me. 

I did not “feel” the truth and I wondered if I could fully receive what he was speaking to me.  But by faith I received His comfort and encouragement. 

Even though I did not “feel” the truth, I chose to believe the truth. I would sing along in my car going and coming home from work…

and cry the tears of the pain I felt, or cry the tears of the questions still unanswered. 

Sometimes I just listened.   Sometimes I cried out to God, “Will I make it?”  
And God’s answer was this….

 
          You can make it through the storm
            You can make it through the rain
            You can make it through the trial
            You can make it through the pain

            And though you may not understand
            There is a purpose there’s a plan
            So while you worship
            You can make it through the storm

            The rain won’t last forever
            The sun will shine again
            And you’ll make it through just knowing
            That He is your friend

            The storm will make you stronger
            It drives you to your knees
            And only in His presence
            Can His glory be seen



I believed those words to be truth, but would they ever be my reality?