The Awakening

I feel like I have awakened from a long dark night.  And I am shocked!

I do not like what I have outwardly become while a storm- clouds thick and dark-raged within…

Self loathing

Self pity

Self condemnation

Want to creep in

All the demons doing their father’s work…

Lie. Lie. Lie.

Yes.

I have been in a long dark night season of the soul.

No.

I did not hold fast to the Lord’s instructions.

Yes. 

I wanted to let go of God.

No.

I did not….

Even though I wavered…HE DID NOT.

Over the last months, I have been dealing with the re-righting of my body’s chemistry.

Thyroid, adrenal, insulin, serotonin, estrogen/progesterone

An Integrative Health Specialist has been helping me re-balance my body’s internal workings…and I have made steps toward bringing balance to my body outwardly by watching my diet, getting back to exercising and proper rest….not too much, nor too little.

Together with Bible Study, scripture memory and setting healthy boundaries in relationships, I have a more positive and hopeful outlook.

This past weekend at a conference I heard the Lord say,  “It is time to RESTART. Be careful to obey all the commands/instructions I have given you. Obedience is your strength.”

I learned, truly, He has set His love upon me and has tethered Himself to me in a binding love that will not let go. 

I NEEDED those words.  While I know –intellectually- that God loves me, it has been quite some time since I FELT His affectionate love, His intimate love for me.

He demonstrated His lavish love toward me this past weekend and it was balm to this sojourners drought riddled soul. He washed me in His love and grace and affection…and I receive.  I receive.

How He loves us, so.

How He loves us.

How He loves us, so.

So with that reminder and because of His great love…

I am not, nor will I be consumed

(Lamentations 3:22)

His banner over me is

Love

(Song of Solomon 2:4)

Therefore…

I will press on toward the mark of the high calling.

(Philippians 3:14)

I am a daughter of the KING and I will walk, talk and respond appropriately

(Psalm 45:11)

I will continue to walk and strive toward obedience

To do what I have been instructed

and even if the results are not evident to my eyes…

I will serve the Lord with my whole heart.  I will sing and make music to the Lord.

(Judges 5:3)

I will wait on the Lord; I SHALL mount up on wings as eagles-

Over the valley of the shadow-

I will run this race marked out for me

And not grow weary.

I shall walk this walk of faith

And not faint…even when I feel faint…I SHALL NOT.

Because the Lord gives strength to the weary.

AND increases the power of the weak.

(Isaiah 40:29-31, Philippians 3:12, Psalm 23)

When Depression, Self-Loathing, Self-condemnation advance against me to devour my flesh,

When my enemies- Lies and Deception, Fear and Insecurity- attack me

They will stumble and fall

(Psalm 27:1-3)

Though you, Lord, have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again!

You will increase my honor and comfort me once again!

And my lips will shout for joy!

I, whom YOU have

REDEEMED!!

(Psalm 71:20-24)

The Word. Worship. Prayer.

These are my ROOTS.